20 funny, corny dad jokes

  1. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. 

She hugged me.

  1. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. 

I don’t know Y.

  1. I used to hate facial hair. 

Then it grew on me.

  1. Want to hear a joke about construction? 

I’m still working on it.

  1. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. 

She whispered, “They're right behind you.”

  1. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

  2. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? 

There was nothing left but de-brie.

  1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. 

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

  1. Why did the scarecrow become a motivational speaker? 

He was great at standing up for others.

  1. I told my computer I needed a break; 

it gave me a KitKat ad.

  1. I ate a clock yesterday

it was time consuming.

  1. I used to be a baker, 

but I couldn't make enough dough.

  1. What do you call fake spaghetti? 

An impasta.

  1. I told my plants a joke. 

They laughed and grew a little greener.

  1. I dropped my watch in the water; 

Now it’s a liquid asset.

  1. My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I’m trying to put him off 

His life will be in ruins.

  1. Did you hear about the robbery at the playground? 

They stole the swings, but I heard they’re going to give them a push.

  1. I gave up my seat on the bus. 

It was a moving experience.

  1. I have a joke about chemistry, 

but I don't think it’ll get a reaction.

  1. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. 

I'll let you know which comes first.

 

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