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World's greatest farter... I mean father
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This is me, while waiting for my wife to get ready
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The IT, when turning it off and on doesn't work
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Socializing? Hard Pass
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Silence is golden, unless you have kids
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Sarcasm because punching people is illegal
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Santa's Not The Only One With a Belly Full of Cookies
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Proud Member of Santa's Naughty List
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Nothing is trully lost untill your mom can't find it
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My Superpower? Making Conversations End
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My hobbies include, talking, chatting and speaking
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Mom's Superpower Remembering Everything You've Ever Done Wrong
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I’m Only Quiet When I Sleep
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I’m Not The Life Of The Party, I Am The Party
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I’m a Mom Of Course I Clean Before the Cleaner Comes
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I’m a Dad of Course I Yell We Are Not Made Out of Money
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